You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Randomize