I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
