No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
