The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
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I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
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Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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