yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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