I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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