You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
