just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
zippers are such a cool invention
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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