fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
