last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
