I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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