Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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