i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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