I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
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