If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Shame - the story of my life.
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