Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
