um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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