Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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