Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
