Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Randomize
