ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
