life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
