yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
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he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
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Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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