is your mom at the bar?
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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