Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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