I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
