Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
