But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
