That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
