Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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