I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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