haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
