So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
You have to summon your inner elephant
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
