please come you make the beer taste better
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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