bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
