He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I didn't notice because vodka
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
