It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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