oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Randomize
