And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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