Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
