Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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