so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Girls should come with a carfax report
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
