ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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