Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
