I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
