I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
