Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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