Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
You are a genius and a whore.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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