I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
