My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
