hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
