So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
