When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
