You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
