My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I need a burrito and a hug.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
