Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
