yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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