The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
