So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
