i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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