Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
