Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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