$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
