You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
