I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
