why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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