It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
