I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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